When I was about four years old, I was at my Grandma's house with one of my Mom's friend's daughters, who was about my age. This other girl was receiving a little too much attention from my Grandma, so I went over and assumed my rightful place upon my Grandma's lap and proudly said to the other girl: "We [meaning me and my sister] are Grandma's darlings." I have been one of my Grandma's darlings for almost twenty years, and I am so grateful for all of those years. I am so grateful that she was a part of my life for this entire time.

I am so sad to lose her. I know, however, that she will still be a part of my life. I won't be able to call her on my way home from the library for encouragement or advice, but I will feel her influence forever. That said, I do not like the idea of a world without her. I do not want to say goodbye. I want to keep going over to her house for summer lunches and cleaning days. I want to talk and eat cheese tostadas and sliced apples with her forever.

color coordination

I'm sitting in the library, snacking on celery and chocolate-covered raisins while taking care of some homework, and thought that I would show you this picture taken a couple weeks ago in this very library. I love that my snacks and highlighting all coordinate. Though I wouldn't put it past myself to color coordinate my vegetables with my writing utensils, this particular occurrence was unintentional and all the more exciting for it.

*What was your dinner tonight?

number one

I was just catching up on some blogs and decided to write a quick post about Charlotte, my Number One.

She is so good to me. I don't know how I got so lucky to be her sister, but I did, and I will be forever grateful. I can't believe that she is almost finished with her undergraduate experience. I feel like she was just barely leaving home for her freshman year here. I know that she is thinking about a lot of things and figuring things out, but her impending departure from higher education has me thinking, too.

I have always followed Charlotte. She has always been the leader. Though she may have abused her power at times, I didn't mind, because I wanted to play the games she thought of and do the things she did. When she took her first step into the world of education, I would wait on the corner of our street for her to come home from kindergarten each day. All through elementary, middle, and high school, she carved an impressive path in front of me. She made things so much easier for me. I just had to follow. I loved carrying on the Wood family tradition she started.

My sophomore year of high school, the realization hit me that she would be leaving me soon. Not only would I be losing my ride to seminary, I would lose having my closest friend so close-by. I loved sharing a school with her. We shared friends and classes, and it was wonderful. (We also shared a room, but that wasn't entirely wonderful.) That year, I would think about that impending change and separation with a pit in my stomach, knowing that a big change was coming to me and my family, and not knowing how we would all take it.

She did leave, and as in all things she does, I was watching. I read her blog and stalked her Facebook albums, and vicariously lived the college life. For the two years I was home and she was away, I was taking notes on how college should be done while doing my best to uphold the Wood family name she established in high school.

Four years later, I'm a sophomore again and watching my Number One take another step forward, taking our family into uncharted territory once again. She's going to be a college graduate! She's going to get a real job and move somewhere exciting and have a career. She's not going to write papers anymore or have reading assignments. She's going to be a real person. Charlotte is going to be amazing. She always is.

Our relationship has deepened so much over the past two years. For the short time we have spent together in Provo, we have been our own little family, upholding family traditions and supporting each other in ways that only sisters can. With her, I talk in stupid voices, talk about the personal and the ridiculous, and express concerns and frustrations. I love meeting up with her on campus and spending Number One time together. I'm really going to miss her next year.

Part of me wishes that our family could stay the same. That's not how life works, though. As in facing all change, I can can be comforted by the promise that better things are always ahead. Though the past holds so many beautiful things, the best is yet to be for Charlotte, for me, and for our entire family.

green with something

My boss shouldn't be allowed to go to Big Lots anymore.

I got (had) to wear these while on the clock today. Jealous?

on my mind

::Today I am wearing my sunshine shirt and my springtime jacket. I'm feeling pretty good about today. After work, I'm going to study in the library at a table facing the window, then get a Big Gulp with Charlotte.

::I decided on Sunday that I wouldn't mind spending a few months in solitude. I could read, think, study, and write. I think it would be a nice chance to get to know myself better.

::The dark circles under my eyes are getting worse due to bad allergies and lack of sleep.

::How are there only 4 weeks of classes left?!

::I really love my roommate.

::I miss my family.

::I get to spend a little more money on groceries now that my rent payments for the semester are finished.

::I've felt a little off for the last few days. I don't feel like knitting. I haven't listened to much music. I have so much to blog about and so little motivation to do so. I just want to read my book.

*What's on your mind?

family resemblance

Note: This post is the first of short, daily posts, that I will be publishing this week. I hated being absent last week, and though this week is even busier, I am going to stay connected. I'm going to write a few tonight, then publish them throughout the week. Tricky, eh?

While browsing various pictures from the musical at home, I came across this one. I am proud to say that John is definitely my brother.

I hope I'm not the only one who can see the resemblance between these pictures. I love that John and I make the same goofy faces. I love that I have such a exemplary brother who works hard and does the right things. I love you, John!

sunday thoughts

For the six weeks or so, I have been taking notes at church. I really love it. I love going to my meetings, excited about what I will be able to learn. I love knowing that I can learn from every teacher and speaker if I am listening. This past week presented me with a couple excellent note-taking opportunities, and I would like to share what I learned.

On Thursday night, Sister Julie B. Beck, General Relief Society President of the LDS Church came to speak to the Relief Society sisters of my stake. She doesn't normally speak to small groups like this, so this was a wonderful opportunity. The format of the meeting was Question and Answer, and Sister Beck's responses were beautiful. Here's some of what I came away with:

:: Like Rebekah in the Old Testament, so much hinges on me and my future decisions as a wife and mother. The future armies of Heavenly Father will come from me. The Lord needs a Rebekah in every home, a woman who will say, "I'll do it."
:: We should be the most hope-filled, forward-thinking people on the earth today.
:: Satan will feed my doubt.
:: Every choice we make should lead us closer to eternal life.
:: Being light minded is different than being light hearted. Light heartedness is a good thing. Light mindedness, however, is when we are not serious in our efforts. It is when you do not use to Spirit to make decisions, which is foolish.
:: What would I say about myself if I couldn't talk about my major, job, or worldly accomplishments.
:: "Someday, you will know the good you did."
:: I am a success! The Lord's standard of success is much different than the world's.
:: Put your trust in the spirit that leads you to do good.
:: Don't mess around with my spiritual identity.
:: The young men around me need my help. Don't be a part of the pornography in the world; be a part of the strength.
:: Every time we are charitable and kind, we are fulfilling our eternal role as mothers.
:: The prophet is advancing, not retreating the work of the Lord.
:: My life is not going to be how I it's going to be, so just press forward and enjoy the ride.

And then today, I attended Stake Conference, and here's some of what I came away with:

:: The most important commandment is the one you are struggling with today.
:: Love will cast off fear.
:: Draw closer to God by doing the small things very well.
:: Even though we do not live close to each other, we can be a regular source of strength to each other. I can support them in their daily lives, and I can feel their love and strength for me each day.
:: Satan will never have the warmth of family, and he wants to keep us from feeling it, too.
:: Take advantage of educational opportunities.
:: Each day is a wonderful opportunity to be able to make decisions and work hard.
:: Teach charity by promoting service. Teach hope by exercising optimism and by not focusing on my own problems.

This last week was wonderful. It was incredibly busy, but I learned so much. I am so blessed to be able to spend so much time learning.

*Did anything from these messages stand out to you?
*What questions would you ask Sister Beck?

keeping up

Dear reader,

Please don't give up on me. I will be back as soon as I can make the time to post. My days are currently filled with more assignments than I can complete in entirety, sporadic napping, and feelings of academic frustration. They are also full of tender mercies and happiness and I'm working hard not to forget that. This is the time in the semester when I want to drop out and pursue knitting professionally more than ever, but I'm going to keep trying, and that's all I can do. The rest will work out.

Sincerely,
Your Favorite Square, who accidentally took a two-hour nap today and can't wait to see Dad and Sarah on Friday.