At the End of a School Year

I promise, a post with pictures and anecdotes will be coming soon, but right now, I want to share something I discovered tonight. I realize that I've been doing this a lot, but I've been thinking a lot, too. I'm two weeks away from being finished with the Freshman-hood, and reflecting on the past year has raised many questions and musings. Feel free to skip this if you're getting sick of my self-realizations.

I've been having something of an identity crisis for the past week or so. Nearing the end of my freshman year of college, it's been hard to figure out who I am on the other end of it. I know that I've changed, but how exactly? I feel like I've grown a lot in my testimony of the gospel and strengthened my relationship with my Savior. I'm more independent and more confident in my ability to do anything that I need to do. I learned how to study this year; high school was pretty easy for me, but Physical Science 100, American Heritage, and Econ 110 made it necessary for me to learn how to study. I'm better at maximizing my time and being productive and doing the work that I need to do. These are all good changes, but what else about me has changed? Charlotte gave me wise and comforting counsel when she told me that you can change and still be you. I am still me. I still make the Paula face and crack lame jokes and wear ribbons in my hair. I still delight in the smell of Clorox and Murphy's Oil Soap, and I love watching my favorite shows and surprising people with things that will brighten their day. I'm still the Emily I've always been.

In thinking about all this, I realized that this semester has been nothing that I could have imagined from last semester's viewpoint. My friends are different, I do different things, and I'm looking ahead to different things. I like this semester, though. I would never want to go back to last fall, because I like how things are now. Similarly, I would not want to go back to last summer, or last school year. They were all good, but I've learned so much and made important discoveries that I don't want to lose. Seeing how my life has slowly changed and developed, I realize that next year and every year after that probably won't be how I envision. I know that they'll be better. If I make the best goals and choices based on what I know now, then the Lord will shape my life the way that He knows will be best, which is always the way that will make me the happiest and make me who He wants me to become.

This summer will be unlike any before because I am different than any other summer previous. I'm excited to put my new skills to use and keep progressing. At this point, I have no idea what my summer will actually be like, though. Right now, I'm planning on getting a job, reading good books, vacationing in California, buying housewares for my new apartment, learning how to knit, spending time with my friends and family, spending time in the beautiful Colorado mountains, and trying not to sweat to death driving around my air-conditionless car. There's a lot of variability in how my summer could actually turn out, however. I don't know where I'll be on the other end, but I know I'll be better and more than I am now. The next four months have the potential to be mellow and quiet or life-changing and busy. All I know is that I don't have to worry; I will strive to do the right things, and everything will be right.

Coming soon to a blog near you:
-Good and Not-So-Good, Dorm Food Edition
-A Sneak Peek of My Fall 09 Class Schedule
-More Creepy Finds from the Physics Department

(And yes, if you noticed the time for this post, you'll see that I'm currently slacking on 10-6. I'm slowly getting back on track, however. My goal is to finish out the semester back on schedule. How is 10-6 going for those of you who tried it?)